Relationship Status: Broken, Not Fixed. Here’s Why

War Zone: You Can’t Win a War You’Re Too Drunk to Fight

You ain’t in a relationship. You ain’t just friends. You’re in a goddamn trench fight with a buddy who keeps switching sides. First he’s dishing out roses and recipes like a five-star general, then he ghosts you ‘cause his feelings are too sensitive for basic training. Next thing you know, he’s back with a apology essay thicker than corporate BS from a stockbroker who lost his license. This isn’t FWB—it’s emotional whiplash wrapped in a bad business plan.

Corporate Infighting: Your Brain’s on the Chopping Block

You say you’re not asking for commitment, but your body’s writing a damn thesis about needing him. Meanwhile he’s playing the part of the indecisive CEO—spends your time building a castle in the clouds, then bulldozes it when the FOMO panic sets in. He’s not avoiding responsibility—he’s terrified of it. The kid’s got zero clue what he wants. College, new country, zero emotional muscles—what do you think’s gonna happen when someone with that much indecision gets into bed with you? Chaos. Plain and simple.

Survival 101: Don’t Waste Calories on a Dead Animal

Ghosting’s not just his move—it’s your default too. You vanish like a bad algorithm when things get messy, then roll back in like a last-minute tax filing. This isn’t friendship. This isn’t romance. It’s a feedback loop of emotional parasites who neither one knows how to cut bait. When you both ghost at the drop of a hat, you’re not making space for grown-up relationships—you’re building a prison for your own growth.

Mirror Maze Madness: Two Reflections, No Exit

He says he misses your first date ‘like a movie’? That’s not nostalgia. It’s a red flag brighter than neon at a strip club. He’s still stuck in the opening scene, rewriting the ending in his head. You think he’s just into you? Nah—he’s into the idea of you, the same way he’s into every new side project that promises to ‘fix’ his loneliness. And you’re letting him keep that script up because the sex is hot. That’s not love. That’s a heatwave and a bad business loan.

Monkey See, Monkey Do: Your Dance Isn’t a Breakout, It’s a Rut

You’ll keep coming back for more of this emotional rollercoaster until you stop playing the victim of his cowardice. He apologizes in paragraphs? That’s not maturity—that’s the same scared kid writing his way out of a traffic ticket. You’re not a problem to be solved. You’re a test of will he’s failing at every turn.

Alpha Signal vs. Beta Behavior: Your Vibe Is a Mess

He acts like a man in the beginning but folds like wet paper when things get real. That’s not who he is. That’s who he can’t be. You’re stuck with him because he’s the only one who’ll let you play ‘fixer’ while you’re just as broken as he is. Real relationships don’t have on/off switches or ‘good luck I didn’t mean to hurt you’ restart codes.

Pull the Plug or Get Rewired: No More Monkeying Around

If you want to grow into someone who doesn’t sabotage themselves with indecisive losers, cut ties. Go all-in on friendship—or walk away for good. Keep this half-ass setup and you’ll keep ending up with more ghost boys who think emotional cowardice is cute. Love’s not a game of emotional dodgeball. It’s a chess match where you don’t checkmate if you’re still holding the queen like it’s a damn trinket.

Closing Bell: You’re the Product, Not the Investment

You and him? You’re not ‘just friends with benefits.’ You’re stuck in a failed experiment where both of you forgot to show up. Stop pretending this limbo arrangement is flexible. Flexibility is for yoga mats and bad contracts. Until he can stop being a scared freshman and until you can stop playing therapist to his insecurities, you’re both wasting time on a project that will never pass finals. Break it like an adult or keep choking on your own excuses.