The Ugly Truth About Assortive Mating: Why Your Looks Don't Define Your Dating Life
The concept of assortive mating suggests that people tend to partner with those of similar attractiveness. But is this really a hard and fast rule, or is there more to it?
Psycho Hack Team
4 min read
Introduction
The notion that your looks dictate your dating life is a pervasive one. With the rise of dating apps and social media, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that your physical appearance is the key to unlocking a successful romantic life. But what if this isn't entirely true? What if there's more to assortive mating than just physical attractiveness?
Understanding Assortive Mating
Assortive mating refers to the phenomenon where people tend to partner with those who share similar traits, including physical attractiveness. However, research suggests that this concept is more complex than initially thought. A comprehensive meta-analysis of human assortive mating in 22 complex traits, published in the journal Nature Human Behavior, found that while assortive mating is a real phenomenon, its extent is often overstated.
Indirect Selection and Cultural Norms
The study revealed that many of the correlations between traits are indirect, influenced by factors such as job choice, social class, and cultural norms. For example, people may be more likely to partner with someone who shares their educational background or career aspirations, rather than solely based on physical attractiveness. This suggests that assortive mating is not just about physical appearance, but also about lifestyle, values, and social status.
The Misconception of Looks-Based Caste System
The idea that there's a looks-based caste system, where people are limited to dating others of similar attractiveness, is a misconception. The study found that the strongest correlations with assortive mating were not physical qualities, but rather traits such as education, religiosity, and political values. Even physical qualities, such as height, were found to be correlated with assortive mating, but not to the extent that they are the sole determining factor.
The Problem with Doomersim
So, why do people like you, who consider themselves average-looking, feel like they're doomed to be single? The answer lies in the fact that you're buying into the idea that your looks are the primary factor in determining your dating life. Newsflash: they're not. Your worth and value as a person are not defined by your physical appearance. You are more than your looks.
Focusing on the Wrong Things
By focusing on the idea that you need to be exceptionally attractive to be worthy of love, you're restricting yourself to a small subset of the population. You're essentially saying that you're only worthy of love if you meet certain physical standards, which is not only untrue but also damaging to your self-esteem. Instead, focus on cultivating qualities that make you a good partner, such as shared values, interests, and a sense of humor.
Cultivating Internal Validation
Internal validation is about recognizing your worth and value as a person, regardless of external factors. It's about knowing and understanding yourself, and recognizing what's good in you. This doesn't mean that you're immune to rejection or criticism, but it does mean that you're not defined by it. You are the ultimate decider of your worth.
Abundance Mentality
An abundance mentality is about recognizing that there are plenty of people out there who could be a good match for you. It's about understanding that rejection is not a reflection of your worth, but rather a natural part of the dating process. By focusing on the abundance of potential partners, rather than the scarcity, you'll be more likely to approach dating with a positive and open-minded attitude.
Getting Off the Apps
Dating apps can be a toxic environment, where people are reduced to their physical appearance and a few carefully curated photos. By getting off the apps and living an active, interesting life, you'll be more likely to meet people who share your values and interests. Focus on building a life you love, and the right person will follow.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the concept of assortive mating is more complex than initially thought. While physical attractiveness may play a role, it's not the only factor. By focusing on cultivating internal validation, adopting an abundance mentality, and getting off the apps, you'll be more likely to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Remember, your worth and value as a person are not defined by your physical appearance. You are more than your looks.
