When the Person You Love Becomes a Stranger - dating advice illustration

When the Person You Love Becomes a Stranger

Losing the person you love to their own ego and insecurities can be a devastating experience. Here's how to navigate this difficult situation and find a way to heal and move forward.

Introduction

The worst kind of heartbreak is when the person you love stops being the person you fell in love with. It's like they've been replaced by a stranger, leaving you feeling lost and confused. This is what happened to the woman who wrote to me, pouring her heart out about how her boyfriend of three years had changed into someone she no longer recognized.

The Change

Her boyfriend used to be a sweet, kind, and slightly awkward guy who made her feel loved and seen. But after he started going to the gym, everything changed. He became obsessed with his physical appearance, spending all his time thinking and talking about his workouts. He transformed from a humble and warm person to someone who was distant, dismissive, and arrogant. He would make comments that were designed to make her feel insecure, like telling her that he could have any woman he wanted now that he was in shape.

Understanding the Change

This kind of transformation is not uncommon, especially in the world of fitness and bodybuilding. The pressure to conform to certain standards of masculinity and the constant bombardment of toxic ideas about what it means to be a man can be overwhelming. The gym bro culture, with its emphasis on physical strength and appearance, can be particularly damaging. It's a culture that encourages men to prioritize their physical appearance over their relationships and their own well-being.

The Root of the Problem

But the root of the problem often goes deeper than just the influence of a particular subculture. In many cases, the issue is insecurity and a deep-seated fear of not being good enough. This can manifest in different ways, such as a fear of being rejected or abandoned, or a fear of not being able to provide for oneself or one's partner. When someone is struggling with these kinds of insecurities, they may turn to external sources of validation, such as their physical appearance or their ability to attract attention from others.

What to Do

So what can you do when the person you love has changed into someone you no longer recognize? The first step is to try to understand what's driving their behavior. Is it insecurity, fear, or something else? Once you have a better understanding of what's going on, you can start to think about how to address the issue. This may involve having an open and honest conversation with your partner, or it may involve seeking outside help, such as therapy or counseling.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, the decision of what to do will depend on your own needs and priorities. If you feel like you're no longer in a healthy or fulfilling relationship, it may be time to consider moving on. This can be a difficult and painful process, but it's sometimes necessary for your own growth and well-being. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel loved, valued, and respected, and don't be afraid to take the steps necessary to get there.

A New Beginning

Losing someone you love is never easy, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. It's a chance to rediscover yourself and what you want out of life, and to find a new sense of purpose and meaning. So don't be afraid to take the leap and see where it takes you. You never know what's waiting for you on the other side.

Conclusion

In conclusion, when the person you love becomes a stranger, it can be a devastating experience. But it's also an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. By understanding the root of the problem and taking the necessary steps to address it, you can start to heal and move forward. Remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and don't be afraid to take the steps necessary to get there. With time and patience, you can find a new sense of purpose and meaning, and discover a brighter future ahead.